Where are all my people pleasers at?
I’m talking to myself here, too yall.
I’m a people pleaser. I don’t like to tell anyone no. I don’t set boundaries. I worry about what other people think of me. And worst of all. I’m probably one of the most tender-hearted people on the face of the Earth.
And. I. Hate. It.
When I hear negative things that have been said about me, I crumble. And it takes me days (weeks… months!) to get over it. Because I care too much about what people think. (Along with that whole tender-hearted thing).
When good things happen to me, my immediate reaction is to feel guilty.
Guilt. Over being happy.
Worried that someone will get mad at me.
I realized how big a problem this was a few weeks ago when I was given the opportunity to do something really cool. I stressed over it for almost a week, and came this close to not doing it. Why? Not because I wasn’t thrilled for the experience. Not because I had better things to do. It was because I was afraid people would have negative things to say (and guess what. They did! And they have before. And they will again.) I almost gave up a once in a lifetime opportunity, over fear of gossip. Gossip from people who don’t pay my bills and who don’t contribute to my life in any way.
Since that day… its weighed so heavy on my heart.
I’ve been so disappointed in myself. That I was willing to push my happiness aside. And for what?!
And I know I’m not alone in this.
Why do we feel guilty when good things happen? Why do we hide our good news? Why do we feel bad about promotions? Or new jobs. Or a vacation. Or showing off the outfit that makes us feel good. Or buying that new car we’ve saved up for?
Why do we put so much focus on what others think about us?
Those same people who judge you and are annoyed with your happiness and success… are the same people who would silently cheer if you failed.
Are those the kind of people we want at our table? I don’t think we do. So why do we care what they think about us?
I hear people all the time say… don’t worry about what they say. Don’t worry about what they think. And goodness gracious… do I wish it was that easy. I care way too much. But I am trying to do better. I want to have enough confidence in myself to say, “What you think about me, has nothing to do with me. I’m happy and loved. And I don’t need that validation from you.”
And I truly hope if you’re a people-pleaser like me, you get the confidence to say the same thing.
Our value isn’t determined by what others think or say.
It’s ok to be happy. To be proud of our accomplishments. We should be able to be excited over opportunities we’ve been given, without the fear of negativity overshadowing it.
I don’t know why I’m putting this out there. Maybe someone else needed to read it. Maybe I just needed to get it off my chest.
But, to my fellow people pleasers,
Be proud of your accomplishments!
Post your vacation pictures!
Tell us about your promotion!
Share your weight loss pics!
Show us your cute outfit!
Flood our social media with all your good news!
And never let the fear of gossip or negative talk keep you from doing something you love!
by Taylor Evans Hendrix